What Scripture says about relationships and discerning character through fruit. A single-session study for any group.
Have you ever wondered what Christian dating is actually supposed to look like — or felt confused by all the mixed messages around relationships? Whether you’re a young single person navigating this season yourself, or a leader walking alongside someone who is, this study is for you.
Download your free Look at the Fruit Bible study at the end of this post!
It’s natural to desire a relationship and hope for marriage. But as Christians, we should be intentional before entering into one, because Scripture makes it clear: the people we partner with will shape us spiritually. While the Bible doesn’t give a step-by-step guide on dating, it does give us wisdom about who we should walk closely with and what kind of spiritual fruit should be present in their lives. In this post, I’ll walk you through each section of the study and the heart behind it.
Before leading this study, I shared two important truths:
1. Decide what matters before you start dating
Dating is something most people are already thinking about — or will be soon. Think through what you believe and what matters most ahead of time, before emotions make it harder to think clearly. Ultimately, the goal isn’t to make romance your main focus — it’s to honor God and make wise decisions in your relationships.
2. Marriage is a good gift — but it should never take God’s place
The desire for marriage is not wrong. God created marriage, and it is a beautiful, good gift. However, that desire can easily grow into something more than it should be. It can begin to take over our thoughts, shape our priorities, and even steal our joy in the present season. Anything that consumes our hearts and attention more than God becomes an idol — even something good.
Singleness is not a waiting room — it has purpose. Be present, trust Him, and live fully for His glory right now. If marriage comes one day, you won’t get this season back.
The lesson opens with a question worth sitting with: would you eat a rotten piece of fruit from your fridge? The same logic applies to relationships. The people we choose to walk closely with will either strengthen our faith or strain it — and that’s the heart of the “equally yoked” principle in 2 Corinthians 6:14. This section lays the foundation for everything that follows.
Whether in friendship or dating, your relationships should be built on a shared foundation in Christ. If spiritual fruit is not evident, that’s not something to ignore — it’s a clear sign to pause and set boundaries.
In the handout, you’ll find space to write out non-negotiable character traits for a dating relationship. This isn’t about creating a “dream person” — it’s about knowing what matters before emotions are involved. If you’re currently dating someone, don’t build your list around them. It’s easy to lower standards when we want something to work, but that’s not the goal here. Create your list with the Lord first, then evaluate whether the relationship aligns.
While physical attraction matters, this is not the place to focus on it. Beauty fades — but spiritual fruit lasts. Let the fruit of the Spirit guide you, then personalize your list. For example:
Invite a trusted mentor or friend to speak into your list, and remember: No one is perfect — but there should be clear evidence of godly character.
Think about driving a car — there are lines, guardrails, and barriers in place for a reason: protection. Dating boundaries serve the same purpose. As you go through this section, ask: How would this boundary help me honor God in a relationship? Then take time to create your own list.
It’s easier to set boundaries before entering a relationship, but it’s never too late to start. If you’re already dating, you can still have these conversations. Pay attention to this: If someone pressures you to compromise your boundaries, that’s not a small issue — it’s a red flag.
Parents of teenagers should be actively involved in helping set these boundaries to guard their children’s hearts.
This section of the handout walks participants through specific warning signs to watch for — things like being pressured, having your boundaries disrespected, or being steered away from your faith. These aren’t small things. A relationship that shows these signs is one worth stepping back from.
There are many purity illustrations out there — but not all of them are helpful or handled well. This section points back to Hebrews 13:4, reminding us that God’s design for marriage and intimacy is good and worthy of honor. Setting physical boundaries is an act of trust — a declaration that you believe God’s design is good and worth protecting. Let this shape how you approach dating with clear, intentional boundaries that reflect trust in His design.
Dating isn’t just about finding the right person — it’s about becoming someone who honors God in every relationship.
The study closes with a question worth turning inward: before looking at the fruit in someone else’s life, what kind of fruit am I producing? That’s not a small question — and it’s a good one to end on. The choices you make now matter, and they will shape not only your relationships, but your faith. Take your time, pray through each section, and don’t rush the process. God is not holding out on you — He is guiding you.
And as you seek Him first, He will lead you in every relationship that follows.