Have you ever felt crippled by fear? Maybe it was from a particular experience, or perhaps it was from a conjured thought. Either way, it was very real, and you felt hopeless, if even just for a moment.

If you can relate even just a little, read on as I reflect on one of the most difficult spiritual battles I have had. In one of the darkest moments, I encountered God in an incredibly unique and special way.

But what if…

A week after having my second baby, I lay in bed, hyperventilating at the thought of either of my kids dying or even myself dying and leaving my children motherless. My 16-month-old son had contracted RSV the day after we came home from the hospital with his baby sister, and I was also recovering from a c-section. I was worried about our newborn getting RSV, and I began to worry that I may have had a complication from the surgery (there was no evidence of this, just a fearful thought).

As I tried to calm myself down through slow deep breaths, I heard God say, “Trust the Lord with all your heart.” At which the enemy replied, “but what if…what if God still takes one of your babies or leaves them motherless?” Once again, the Lord responded, “Trust the Lord with all your heart.” Throughout the night, I wrestled with the goodness of God and the schemes of the enemy.

Three thoughts have occurred since then.
#1 In the darkness, God provides truth and light through the Holy Spirit and His Word (John 16:13).

It is evident I was never alone in my fears. God’s Word helped me cling to my eternal hope. I have no idea the last time I had heard the scripture “Trust the Lord with all your heart…” (Proverbs 3:5), yet at the exact moment I needed those words, it came to my mind. God does not abandon his people. He walks patiently with us as we battle real internal and external battles. His truth will always bring believers back to hope, peace, and joy.

#2 The devil flees from you when you resist him and submit to the Lord (James 4:7).

As I began to proclaim God’s truth, I found there was no room for the lies of the devil. The devil (thief) comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, while Jesus has come to give life and give it abundantly (John 10:10-21). When I proclaimed God’s Holy and perfect words, again and again, resisting with all my might Satan’s lies, I was able to fall into a peaceful sleep. The next day I began to study the Word God gave me from His scripture and continued to equip myself for battle against the thief of joy. God always wins.

#3 Knowing these truths does not mean you have mastered overcoming your fears.

I battle with these thoughts and fears even as I am reflecting now, and I know I am not the only one who does. I am humbled and thankful that God uses his Holy Spirit, the Word, fellow believers, etc., to bring me back into His truth. With arms wide open, Jesus clothes me with righteousness regardless of my faithfulness. I will continue to fight the good fight until the day I am fully in the presence of my Lord, but until that day, I am thankful for forgiveness as I battle with my flesh and the Spirit. 

Thank you, God, for your patience and unrelenting love towards me. 

An Exhortation to You

The “what ifs” that plague you are schemes of the enemy, while God’s truths bring peace. God says, “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, submit to him.” Regardless of the outcomes, the “what ifs” do not matter. What matters is that God is still trustworthy and that He has already given you the ultimate gift of freedom and healing through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. 

Instead of allowing doubt and fear to rob you from your trust and joy found in the Lord’s salvation, choose to be a person who trusts God regardless of your circumstances and outcomes. God has already proven to be trustworthy and oh so loving. 

Reflect and Connect

When have you felt Satan attack your faith in God?
How have you seen God at work during those dark times?
What scripture(s) brings you peace during times of trials?